Miracles

The magic that happens when you trust.

I have started this blog post many times over the last few weeks and there is a virtual waste paper basket full of crumpled drafts with ample spillage out on to the floor. This is a somewhat romantic image for me, who imagines myself the female version of Ewan McGregor's character in Moulin Rouge in a garret somewhere trying to elicit the essence of Beauty, Truth and Love on an old typewriter that has a sticky 'e'. 

My struggle is I don't know how to put into words exactly the magic that occurred as a result of how everything unfolded with the retreat a few weeks ago. Remember when not a soul signed up and it was a week before and I had no idea what the heck to do?

But then I got quiet and the quiet told me: there is still a way. There is ALWAYS a way. Trust.

When No One Signs Up for Your Retreat, or, On 'Failing' with Dignity

This blog is no stranger to me sharing the ups and downs of this Nurture adventure and how it has affected me personally. Admittedly, despite the fact that I have committed to making (really delicious, organic) lemonade out of some metaphorical lemons, I am still struggling with how best to share with you what is going on now. 

The truth? Not a single person signed up for the spring retreat, which is set to happen next week. 

Insert: all the normal human reactions to this type of situation. Anxiety. Fear. A feeling of failure. Self Pity. Yep, the ugly kind. The mindless inhalation of way more than the 'recommended serving' of crispy, salty food. 

How Science helped me unstick issues that were glued for years

I remember being obsessed with both dinosaurs (Stegosaurus all the way, folks) and outer space (I may have begged to be Roberta Bondar for Halloween) as a youngster and then was told science and math were needed to truly explore those passions. I moved on to theatre and music at the lightning speed of me-when-there-is-a-croissant-in-the-room (so, so fast). I stopped taking science after my mandatory grade 10 science class and played first clarinet in band class instead.

I'm that girl. 

How to find the window after the door slam.

This past week I pretty much took up residence within Maria von Trapp's quote: When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window. It's not the comfiest of quotes. There's that itchy emptiness that accompanies the waiting you have to do between the door slam and ensuing window appearing 'somewhere.' If you know me at all by now, you'll know I appreciate coziness and nurturing aesthetic in my furnishings. Like the abbey Maria left, this quote is furnished with faith and not a whole lot else.

When what you need is a miracle, tell the Truth.

While searching for a creative way to frame this week's blog story, I found myself not really resonating with any of them. I normally LOVE this part of writing to you – sitting in front of a blank page (or screen) and 'listening' for what is being asked to be written. It's a creative partnership between me and the Truth. This week, every idea I put out there got thrown back at me, like old fruit at a bad joke. Too lame; too needy; trying to be too clever; too vague; too obscure; too much. At first, I fell back into old ways of thinking where I beat myself up at 'not being able to get it right' and then realized I wasn't actually listening. Suddenly, it clicked: this week, what's 'right' is to tell you the facts and nothing more. The facts ARE the story.